Week One: Dedication

It was one of the more beautiful days of October and could not have been more perfect. The sun shone brightly down on the little white chapel and a gentle breeze stirred the leaves resting by the just-opened door.

A mischievous gust caught the veil of the radiant woman and caused it to caress the face of the beaming gentleman beside her. Oblivious to these plays by nature, the two stepped from the church and into the world as husband and wife.

Thus began a whirlwind adventure...

Nine months after that joyous day, an adorable bundle of baby boy was added, amid much celebration, to the couple-now-turned-family. A mere sixteen months later, these three looked down into the tiny face of yet another addition.

One could say they lived happily ever after. Or, perhaps, assume a blissful existence surrounded the growing family. In truth, though much happiness and laughter floated through the house, there was a heaviness which made itself evermore present as time passed...

Okay... That was a nice story... but the heaviness which became present was, in fact, weight gained.

I am that once-slim bride of 798 days ago. For the two months in which the wedding was planned, I worked feverishly to get my weight down to a poundage I would feel comfortable displaying in a sleeveless wedding gown!!! It would do well to interject here that I had never worn anything sleeveless in public, much less with such a low back! The pressure was on to make sure I didn't look as if I had been stuffed into the dress.

My method of losing weight wasn't healthy, but it worked and twenty pounds lighter on the day of my wedding, I weighed less than I had weighed in ten years! Not only that, but I was wearing a size twelve dress... a size I had only ever dreamed of for the past eight to ten years! The elation I felt each time I looked in a mirror or felt the looseness of my old clothing was something I had dreamed of for so long and I looked forward to wearing all the smaller-size clothing I had bought for the honeymoon and future life with my husband.

My anticipation was short-lived as I packed on fifteen pounds the month after our wedding, only to discover at the end of that month that I was expecting our first child! My only explanation for the weight gain that accompanied this pregnancy was the semi-depression/shock state I sank into. I ate everything, loved drinking juices and sodas, and preferred to eat out rather than cook... Add to this scenario the complete lack of any exercise or physical activity - I sat at my desk most of the day, only getting up for necessities or to move to another location where I would resume sitting.

In nine months, I gained 115 pounds!!

After our son was born, I swore that I would lose all this hideous weight; I was so disgusted with how I looked. After two or three weeks, I had lost forty-two pounds, but soon lost my resolve and discovered fountain Pepsi again! I talked much about losing the weight and often vocalized my dread of becoming pregnant again at this enormous weight.

To help accomplish this goal, my wonderful husband gave me the gift of a YMCA membership and we began working out seriously and watching our weight. For three months, I worked out diligently at the gym and attended weight meetings... all without losing a SINGLE pound!!!

Suddenly, I lost twenty pounds within two weeks!!

That was the month our son turned eight months old and the month I discovered that I was once again pregnant. I was very disappointed in myself and in the fact that I had only managed to lose twenty pounds in eight months. It wasn't long before I stopped going to the gym and went back to eating whatever whenever.

Overall, my second pregnancy was better and healthier and my total weight gain was five to fifteen pounds until the last week, when the total weight gain hit twenty pounds above where I had been at the beginning of the pregnancy. Not bad!

It has now been six weeks since the birth of my second son and I have decided that enough is enough. Though I have lost all the birth weight from this second pregnancy, I still have 110 pounds to drop just to reach my wedding weight, which (slim as I had gotten) was still 30 pounds away from my goal weight!

This morning, I completely scared and disgusted myself with the realization that the 60" tape measure with which I was measuring my waist almost didn't make it all the way around!! I have NEVER been this heavy before and truly hate it!

I have a closet full of beautiful clothing I cannot wear and instead have been wearing the same maternity clothes for the past two years. That is depressing! In my mind's eye, I don't realize just how big I am and how much weight I've put on - I always picture myself as being MUCH smaller. A trip past a mirror dispels that illusion quickly each time.

Because I have difficulty in sticking with a project until its finish, I have started this blog in the hope that by sharing my struggles and successes, my failures and victories, my tears and laughter, that I may achieve the weight goal I have sought to accomplish for so many long years of self-loathing and in so doing, encourage my readers to achieve whatever goals have been eluding them.

To give my self-challenge finite boundaries, I have elected to reach my goal weight by 25 July... in time for one of my best friend's wedding where I will be a bridesmaid for the very first time! Nothing like being a bridesmaid to a tiny, petite woman and her tiny, petite friends to inspire my grossly obese 5'8" frame to dwindle away. This is a wonderful motivation!

I have 32 whole weeks (or 224 days) in which to lose 140 pounds... this is an average of 4.375 pounds lost per week or 0.625 pounds per day. If a pound of flesh is accumulated by the consumption of 3,500 calories, then a pound of flesh is evaporated by the expenditure of 3,500 calories... which means a total of 2187.5 calories must be burned every day above and beyond what calories are consumed.

Is it possible?

I honestly don't know, but I have to try.

Weekly posts I will promise and most likely will include mid-week updates on my journey; my project. I will post weekly pictures and weight and inches lost. With camera and pen, I have documented my starting weight as well as the circumferences of no fewer than twelve points upon my body.

At some point, I shall reveal my actual numbers, but I would actually like to have a bit of progress before exposing myself to that painful level of embarrassment.

I hope you will read and that you will find some encouragement along your own path, be it weight related or no. Feel free to point out mistakes or errors I may make along the way... this is, after all, the Ruth Cooper Project.