After many profound brain things in my head, it shocked me to realize I have been thinking a lot about "being ready". Two tiny little words with such weighty import and elusive meaning... to me, at least.
I have this disturbing notion that I would like to complete a full Ironman triathlon at the end of October. It is a serious undertaking and this 140.6-mile race should not even be attempted without due preparation and training. I know this; the half Ironman was killer by itself!
Over the past few weeks, I've pinged my husband on and off about whether I can register for a particular Ironman and every week didn't get back a straight answer. Finally, this weekend, he lovingly told me, though he wanted to say yes, after much prayer and deliberation, he didn't think I was supposed to register.
A little crushed (okay... a LOT crushed), I started toying with the idea that maybe I wasn't supposed to do THAT Ironman, but perhaps another would be acceptable. Some research turned up another event at the end of October, so off I went to display my findings and ask if I could go to THIS Ironman.
Sadly, his answer came back once again in the negative. Painfully, the verdict returned with the assessment I knew to be true, even though it was in the deepest, darkest anklebone of my heart.
"She is not ready."
That is a very hard thing to hear and yet, for its being such a hard thing to hear, I hear it quite often and knew it to be true, yet again, in this situation. ::chuckles:: My response, I am sad to say, was to completely give up; stop training, stop shooting for any goal, stop everything.
Then I started thinking.
What if I'm not ready now, but might be closer to the Ironman event? What if I proceeded along my training plan as if I would run that huge race? What if this was some kind of test to see where I am in my dedication level (to this and many other somewhat stagnant areas in my life).
There's a verse in the Bible (and I paraphrase) that talks about studying to show oneself approved unto GOD (not man) and being like a workman who needs not to be ashamed of his work; rightly dividing the truth.
An interesting thought, that.
In applying that powerful thought to my current, disappointed situation, the truth began rearing its not-so-lovely head. My discipline in training has faltered and workouts have become sporadic and mostly half-hearted. I know I am not doing my best, but am not doing anything to "up" my game.
I still run, I still race, I still finish those races hard... but somewhere along the way, the focus switched to focus on the glory and the photos, the medals and the "I did that" which comes from completing these little (and some not-so-little) milestones. Not that feeling victorious at accomplishments is wrong, but how much more full and complete would that feeling be if the work leading up to that triumphant moment was diligent and consistent?
When I finish those races, there is almost always a nagging feeling I could have prepared better; I could have gotten more sleep the night before, could have improved my nutrition strategies or trained harder, or could have been consistent with my training program. I always finish my races hard and with nothing left in the tank, but seldom do I persevere in the mundane and overcome the ennui commensurate with day-to-day visits to the gym.
In that II Timothy verse, we are not told to study God's Word so others will be impressed when we win theological debates nor is it so we can sweep first-place Bible medals in find-the-verse contests. No. We are told to study to show ourselves approved to GOD. If the focus is on obedience to God and seeking His will in our endeavors, the rewards and trophies to be gained are far more permanent (though not tangible at the moment) and far more glorious than mind can fathom.
It is His approval we for which we strive.
At this point in my life, running and triathlons (with their requisite training) have prominence. The lessons learned thus far have been life changing and horizon broadening... and it would seem, there are more to come within this arena.
I do not believe I am done yet. As such, that verse needs to be applied to my life and, specifically, to how I prepare and compete in these sporting events. There are still thirty pounds of flab which need to be shed, so the training must go on. I will undertake the Ironman training, whether or not I end up competing in the triathlon of my choice is not relevant.
There is a path before me and it is my duty to walk it faithfully; to be the athlete who needs not be ashamed of the sweat, tears, and patience invested in this effort. God gave me this time in my life and it is my duty to be diligent in that calling. I want to finish my next race with NO nagging feelings of disappointment in myself and in how I handled the mundane and day-by-day training that got me there. My finish is strong, my race is not.
Don't know how it will end up, but I do know growth and maturity will increase as dedication and discipline increase.
singularity
7 years ago
