Day 74: Monolith Syndrome

And the results for this week's comparison are in:

Days remaining: 149
Pounds remaining: 141.5
Inches lost/gained this past week: 0.0
Pounds lost/gained this past week: -3.5
Percentage weight loss this past week: -1.19%

Total pounds lost: -11.5
Total inches lost: -15.5

I realized an interesting fact today. For a while, I have suspected that I have been suffering from Monolith Syndrome and today it was completely confirmed.

This evening, I stepped SO far out of my comfort zone and joined a Zumba class at the YMCA! I have been avoiding any class exercising for months now because I have been so afraid that I will be the only one in class who can't keep up or who will look like a total idiot.

Now an observation... for overweight individuals, the current exercise dress code seems to be an expression of either the Monolith Syndrome or the Popped Biscuit Can look. The Monolith wears extremely baggy and long clothing that obscures every single lump... or so that individual believes. The horrible truth lies buried in the comfort baggy clothes provide; deceptive comfort. It's so easy to feel slim and muscular beneath a t-shirt two or three sizes too large... mirrors have a nasty way of popping that bubble.

The Popped Biscuit Can look involves wearing "normal" workout clothing that would be fine for a normal-weighted individual. Regrettably, these people seem to pay no heed to the rolls of extra that slip out from under the sports top or the puffiness that spills over the top of those "cute," skintight exercise pants.

Which style am I? I wish I could say Yuppie Slim, but when I entered the Zumba session, my sight was assaulted by what appeared to be a single, black monolith. There were mirrors everywhere, surrounding the room with multiple reflections of that impressive sight; even the largest person in the room was half my size! My monolith wasn't some point of personal evolution as I wrote in a previous blog post - I WAS the monolith!

I suppose this would normally have daunted me, but I really wanted to participate in the Zumba and focused on the instructor while attempting to coerce my overtly-Caucasian body into swaying gracefully with the Latin rhythms. At various points, I would feel as if my form was extremely good and I was really getting the steps... then I would glance back at my reflection and would see the most absurd sight I have ever seen. Plump white arms protruding from rolled-up black sleeves and swaying hips that were barely seen beneath the drapery of the way-large black t-shirt.

Now, I've always enjoyed seeing the pure joy some large people exude when dancing all out; as if they completely forget how large they are and who is watching - they simply have fun. So this was the path I chose to take. And I had fun. I tripped and stumbled, missed the beat and alternately forgot to add arms to my steps (and vice versa)... all the while wondering who that goofy person in the mirror could possibly be imitating.

The shock would set in every once in a while.

As I walked away, I realized that although I was so absurd in my performance, I had such a strong desire to master the Zumba steps and moves. I will be back and I look forward to winning the approval of the instructor and the other rhythmic/experienced participants with my masterful display of awesomeness... I hope. Besides, I can't complain about an hour-long session that burns up to 1000 calories and which flies by so quickly, I don't notice how long I've been exercising!

I also realized I should get different clothing for working out. I'm very comfortable in my HUGE black 3x t-shirt and I feel smaller inside, but the mirrors surrounding every room in the Y keep broadcasting an extremely uncomfortable picture back to me... something I can change now.

Now, to find the balance between evidencing the Monolith Syndrome and resembling a Popped Biscuit Can.

Day 65: This Isn't Fun Any More

::Sigh:: Now that my accounts have been restored from the lovely hack job done on them this past week, it seems there are no more excuses to prevent me from posting something I completely did not want to post... at all.

Days remaining: 158
Pounds remaining: 145
Inches lost/gained: +0.25
Pounds lost/gained: +2.5
Percentage weight lost: +1.01%

In looking at the inches lost, my top half gained, but the lower half lost big time - which is kind of the whole point I'm trying to achieve here. An additional bonus is that five of my twelve measuring points are holding rock steady... and most likely will until the next large weight drop.

All of this is very statistical and fulfills my self-imposed requirements... and serves to try to skirt around the point that I've been trying to avoid talking about or posting for a while now: the past two weeks have been terrible from a dietary and exercise standpoint.

It's one thing to build a higher-calorie day into your diet, but another thing entirely to overdo it for the whole weekend. It's one thing to have a couple more bites of something at one meal and another thing to blow an entire meal later in the day.

Shortest way to say it - the week before last was a slippery slope. I saw the signs and decided to ignore them; primarily because it was more convenient to eat whatever and whenever I wanted to. Last week was full-scale plummeting with no attempt at keeping to a diet or getting to the gym.

Why? I suppose part of it was I was tired of counting calories, of early-morning jaunts to the gym, of trying to rearrange food choices to be more attractive or filling, of passing on desserts and sodas. It simply was too easy to do nothing.

Granted, there was a bright side to all this sliding. Even on the highest-calorie days, Jason and I would split the Subway foot-long or the Wendy's frosty or the WaWa turkey bowl instead of eating a whole portion each. Each time I went to Starbucks, I would chose a Tall instead of Venti drink and, on occasion, pass on the whipped cream.

So, I suppose progress is being made... slowly. But it's too slow and I desperately need to pick up the pace if I'm to make it anywhere near my goal. I have a phrase I use when a once-attractive pursuit becomes odious and onerous - "This isn't fun any more."

I have certainly hit the "this isn't fun any more" point in this project and, quite frankly, knowing how I normally operate, I'm surprised it's taken this long to get here. The distance I have to still go is discouraging and somewhat depressing. I promised honesty and here it is. Not pretty, somewhat embarrassing... but true.

At this point, I am working through my "feelings" by praying and trying to get to the bottom of why this kind of slippage is happening. I am back on the diet and have gone to the gym twice this week already. I really don't want to quit and don't intend to... I simply need to re-energize and re-commit.

Day 59: Surprised by the Inch

Well... this past week had an interesting surprise! Take a look:

Days remaining: 162
Pounds remaining: 142.5
Inches lost/gained: -4.0
Pounds lost/gained: +1.5
Percentage weight lost: +0.99%

Basically, I wasn't able to exercise last week because I became fairly ill on Monday and Tuesday, leading me to make the call and not exercise the rest of the week. It seemed my body was telling me I was doing just a bit too much.

With the gain of 1.5 pounds, I was initially discouraged... that is, until I compared my body measurements with last week's results. Another four inches has fallen away from my frame and I could not be happier (even though I'm still trying to reconcile the fact that inches lost even though pounds are gained is a good thing).

This week, I seem to be struggling more with diet choices and exercise regimen... I sense a re-dedication of effort on the horizon for me!

Week Nine: Encouragement Is Like a CheeseLovers Pan Pizza

The outfit was perfect... and would never have been able to be worn several months ago. Actually, several months ago, she never would have even dreamed of wearing anything like it.

The black fine-knit sweater clung closely to her form, its intricately woven black-beaded collar surreptitiously catching the overhead lights, adding flicker and half-hidden sparkle. The floor-length black skirt swayed confidently with each movement, framing and enhancing.

This was good; this was a wonderful state of being. She felt beautiful... no... she felt elegantly gorgeous!

Be honest. How many of us would love to feel that way again (if we ever felt that way before)?!

I know I certainly would. I would give almost anything... preferably many pounds of fat... to feel like that again. To have perfectly fitting clothing. To not have to persistently tug on shirt or skirt to ensure correct positioning. To not have to restrict one's movement so as not to disarray the carefully placed clothing. To not have to think one single stray thought about whether stance and gait enhanced or detracted from actual weight perceptions.

That picture above was taken three years ago on 3 February. It was at my brother's wedding and I had recently returned home from a three-month stay in Mexico. Having dropped a few pounds while there, I was enjoying the delights of being able to wear whatever I wanted and not have to worry about whether or not unsightly bumps were adequately covered.

I was free to move, to dance, to stand, to sit, to bend, and to sway as I saw fit. This may not seem like a great deal to many of you, but for those who live in a constant personal hell of trying to disguise shameful fat, this freedom bestows an incredible sense of elation. No tugging. No pulling. No worries.

This picture jumped out at me as I clicked my way through various folders and files recently moved to my brand new laptop. For a moment, I did not recognize the face that stared back at me. Slowly, and with a degree of shock, I realized the picture of the woman in front of me was actually... me!

Initially, a flood of discouragement slammed me in the gut as I acknowledged I no longer looked ANYTHING like the picture. Fighting for supremacy, my better-days-lie-ahead self put forth the notion, "True. But that is what you're working toward. You WILL make it there... and then some!"

Encouragement is a beautiful thing and for me, as I struggle and pray through a "hump" part of this diet, I see before me what my end goal is. Sure, I have hanging in the bathroom a goal dress. Sure, in my mind's eye, I can imagine the svelte-ness I shall one day be. And yes, I do look in the mirror every day, searching for diminished circumferences upon my frame.

More tangible than all these goals and hopes is the picture I share with you today and this little piece of advice. Never hesitate to encourage each other, for uplifting words provide the wings on which we soar above our difficulties. Don't over think about what the other person might think about or say to you; just act.

Your support of me and your encouraging words have given me the strength to persevere and stick it out one more week. Yes, it is through Christ that I do all this, but I believe that He has given you to me as an encouragement and as a source of accountability. I do not wish to let you down, all you who are cheering me on from afar. At this moment, my carb-hungry brain likens an uplifting comment from a reader to a sip of ice cold Pepsi after a bite of deep-fried Pizza Hut pan pizza (with extra cheese)!

See. You just never know what seemingly-insignificant word(s) of encouragement will do to strengthen a fellow traveler along the way!

...I think I smell a slice of CheeseLovers pizza!

Day 51: Looking Back with No Regrets

Yea! I'm back!

I haven't been neglecting this blog on purpose, but a couple of issues came up which demanded my full attention - I've been sick the past couple days (thus the lack of my normal Monday post), a certain son has required extra attention (requiring me to be away from the computer more and leaving me more exhausted at the end of the day), and it's tax season (as a bookkeeper, I had a lot of work to do).

But enough of that! Here are my stats from the end of Week Seven:

Days remaining: 172
Pounds remaining: 141.0
Inches lost/gained: -2.0
Pounds lost/gained: -3.5
Percentage weight lost: 1.19%

As you can see, things have picked up a little bit since last week's slow-down and I thought it would be interesting to look some bits of information and morsels of progress from the Ruth Cooper Project. Most of this has happened in the past 24 days... something interesting to keep in mind.

-I have been following the Flat Belly Diet (with the inclusion of one planned-indulgence day per week) for 24 days. The cover of the book proclaims it is possible to lose up to (emphasis on the "up to") 15 pounds in 32 days (!!). Being slightly skeptical of this claim, I have put them to the test... with eight days remaining in the advertised 32 days, I have already lost 12 pounds! We'll see how the next eight days do.

-Inches lost has been an encouraging area. From measurements taken in twelve different areas, I have lost a combined total of 11.75 inches from the first week. Of that number, 66% has happened since going on the Flat Belly Diet. All but three areas (arm, torso, and knee) lost between 0.25 and 2.0 inches, with an average of 0.94 inches lost in each area... all in 24 days!!

-My short-term January goal was to be able to wear my wedding and engagement rings on the proper finger by the end of the month. Although January has ended, my rings still do not sit at the base of my left hand's fourth finger. A bit disappointing? Yes. What is encouraging, however, is that the rings are actually being daily worn on that finger and they do currently fit BELOW the first knuckle (something I could not do initially). My current guess is that it will take losing another ten pounds before the rings will fit at the base of the finger.

-Exercising at the YMCA has become almost a habit... I was right on the cusp when I fell ill on Sunday night. With a goal of working out five days a week, I started with an average of two to four days each week. When I started, I would do my weight training at the level I had left when I stopped going - around 23,000 pounds lifted per session. In the cardio department, it was all I could do to walk for 30 minutes on the treadmill and usually at a speed of 2.5 or 3 mph.

Last week, I worked out all five days (praise God!), my weight training session has been upped to just almost 31,000 pounds lifted per session, and my cardio now includes three 45-minute treadmill jaunts at 3.0-3.5 mph and two fat-blasting 35-minute walks at 3.0-4.0 mph! I wasn't feeling super challenged at the end of last week, so everything will be upped yet again. Again, these stats are for the last 24 days.

Progress is being made and if I hadn't been keeping records, I'd probably be more disappointed in my progress. I didn't realize how much had happened in the last 24 days and had been feeling as if everything was going too slow. Now I realize, it hasn't been all that bad... even though it IS slower then I'd like things to go.

So... now you're updated and I have returned, once again, to blog of my adventures in the Ruth Cooper Project.

Thank you for reading! Your comments do much to cheer me on!