Day 30: Donations, Epiphanies... And There Goes My Last Excuse

The word that springs to mind is, "WOW!!" And yet, the "wow" I feel goes SO far above and beyond that oft-used word. The "wow" I am experiencing is insufficiently described by words, transcends a basic level of jaw muscle control, and stimulates the lacrimal gland.

Let me tell you why.

All throughout the creation and somewhat-regular posting of this blog, there has remained in the back of my mind an "out." This "out" primarily consists of the notion that if things don't really go the way I hope they will, it's not a big deal... My readers would be disappointed, I'd be a failure, and what else would be new?

This lovely bubble of pre-planned failure popped less than a week ago.

An unbelievable donation was made to our YMCA membership account by an anonymous donor. This donor mention they were doing this as a direct result of reading this very blog! That's right! One of "you people" is that special donor! I still don't know who did this amazing thing, but whoever paid for our gym membership through June(!), know that I will never be able to thank you enough!

You have taken away my very last excuse and have shattered my secret "out."

How can I possibly fail you now?! How can I, in any good conscience, NOT go work out diligently? How can I not share the progress I am making... and because I don't know who you are, I must continue to use this forum. Giving up or quitting just became a non-option because I WILL NOT let you down and WILL NOT let your generous donation go to waste.

Thank you so much, wonderful anonymous donor, for the new life you have breathed into this Project and for the amazing gift you have provided to me and Jason through your donation! (I'm still in a bit of shock) It's amazing to find out that someone has been impacted to such a level by this smattering of my thoughts while losing weight!

You will be happy to know that upon learning of your donation, I made my way to the gym the very next week day and have continued to go faithfully. It is your thoughtfulness and participation in my Project that gets me out of bed at 5:30 in the morning, an hour after feeding the baby, and enervates me to get to the Y when it's still dark and cold.

If you choose, at some point, to reveal yourself, I would love it. But, as much as I'm aching to discover your identity, I will ask if you could remain anonymous until the end of the Project. I know the mystery behind your participation in this Project will only maintain my level of dedication to finishing what I have started.

Once again, thank you!

My epiphany came today as I was driving home from the gym, shivering in the not-yet-warm car (we live too close to the Y for the car to warm up).

Since Monday, Jason and I have been following the Flat Belly Diet; a diet which involves eating about 1200 non-bloating calories the first four days - more about this later. When my visionary husband first suggested we follow this diet, my initial response was, "No way! I HATE diets!"

Now I'm sure part of my response came from the fact that he suggested we begin the diet on Monday... when it was SUNDAY night! The other part of my response came from glancing at the meager portions listed in the daily food plans within the book; I was sure I would starve... and I'm currently nursing a two-month-old baby (i.e., I'm ALWAYS hungry).

Biting my tongue, I respectfully submitted that we not start cold turkey the next day, but instead spend a week dutifully recording how many calories we were eating and include a MUFA (Mono-Unsaturated Fatty Acid) with each meal as the Diet required. He agreed and I, inwardly dreading the week, found halfway through the week that I was ready to undertake the 32-day diet challenge.

More details will come in a following post, but here, on Day Three of our Flat Belly Diet, I was struck by this realization: I am called to be Jason's wife and therefore, obedient and submissive to his vision and guidance for our family... and he's come up with some interesting visions over the two years we've been married! ::smile::

As a married woman, I have reaped and continue to reap the benefits of submitting to my parents' authority leading up to my marriage and today, I realized I am reaping the rewards of submitting to my husband's authority.

Within three days, I have already lost six pounds and have no clue as to how many inches! Not only that, but the week before going on the Diet, I had lost over two inches! I feel great and am starting to see a change in that nasty mirror!

And so it was this morning, in the dark, icy car that I realized God is blessing my obedience to my husband. He is blessing me for honoring Jason's request to do the Flat Belly Diet and to exercise in the most wonderful way ever... progress along my weight-loss path!

Hang in there with me, "you people"; you truly inspire and re-dedicate me to the Project I have undertaken!

Day 29: Farewell, Jelly Belly

And so it has come, yet once again - that time of week where I publish my updated status.

Some numbers will be a little different as you may guess from yesterday's post. Honesty on the scale has set me back a bit in my ultimate goal and so the numbers are not as "whee-hee" as I had hoped... but they are honest. ::satisfied smile::

Days remaining: 193
Pounds remaining: 153.0
Inches lost/gained: -2.25 inches
Pounds lost/gained: +7.50 pounds

So, it would seem that in spite of the 7.5 pounds the evil little scale has generously added back to my frame (!), my overall size has diminished. I was certainly NOT expecting a loss of 2.25 inches over the past week! Only one area, my neck, increased. The other 11 areas lost inches or remained steady. God is so good!

This week, Jason and I have undertaken a new plan for losing weight. It involves an actual diet plan, working out, and some serious inch/weight loss. But more about that tomorrow.

For now, know that I am feeling more energetic, physically lighter, and clearer in thought. For the first time in the past 29 days, I actually have a scintilla of hope that I will be able to reach my ultimate goal.

Week Five: Mirror, Tape and Scale: A Triumvirate of Evil

It was late at night and yet there was one thing she had left - her daily Bible reading. As part of a ninety-day challenge, large portions of Scripture needed to be read every day... and she was behind.

It didn't seem to matter what changes were made throughout the week, the weekend always seemed to herald the crumbling of any resolutions or plans to get ahead with housework, laundry, planning, paper management, blogging, and now Bible reading.

The text scrolled endlessly in front of her. So many laws, so many details. God had been so particular with the Israelites about so many different issues. Suddenly, there it was, a Scriptural reason for her to return to Square One; a reason for confessing and beginning again.

"Just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin, shall ye have: I am the LORD you God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt."

-Leviticus 19:36

This scenario played out in my home just a few minutes ago. On Tuesday of the past week, my husband, Jason, returned to work after a two-month period of being laid off. While this was news extraordinaire and was met with much rejoicing, it did mark the end of a vacation-like period.

The week that followed, and that has now passed, proved to be challenging on several levels. This is the first time since the birth of my second son (two months ago) that I have been home with the two of them by myself.

Trying to keep up with my two precious morsels of manhood while maintaining the house, my part-time bookkeeping and tutoring jobs, two blogs, and a diet journal gave me much to be active about. Let us say nothing of the weekend we spent away from home!

Throughout this time, I have been dwelling on the necessary evil of scales, tape measures, and mirrors.

Mirrors, I find, are extremely necessary in the weight-loss process. Without them, it is so easy to fall into a less-than-real self image of yourself. I know I certainly have.

In my mind, I know I am a little overweight, but not extremely so. I am aware of a few bulges, but nothing that a nice shirt can't cover. I know my pants are a little snug, but they don't look terrible as I gaze down my front.

Then I pass a full-length mirror!!!

And the beautiful dream vanishes and shock sets in. The extra fold of skin on my neck becomes a double chin as I look down at myself. That nice shirt only covers the front few bulges and bunches up in the massive rolls behind. Those pants still look great... from the knee down.

I realized recently that I have not lived around a full-length mirror in over a year. As a result, I never see what I look like below the bust line. I can see my face becoming a bit more plump and can see that my arms don't fit as well in the sleeves. Entirely missing from the picture is the battle that has been lost beneath my waist.

A tape measure serves to confirm my hasty glances at my surprisingly large figure as it "darts" past full-length mirrors in other places. The temptation with a tape measure is to pull it very tightly, so as to "trick" yourself that you have lost inches. This does no favors to you. The lie will soon become evident.

My greatest confession comes to you in the area of scales. I have a delightful little scale. On it, I have discovered that by rocking back on my heels while weighing in, the pounds simply melt away - as many as six or eight pounds!

This week, I have been feeling guilty about how I use the scale, knowing deep in the ankle-bone of my heart that I do not weigh in reality what I write down every week.

It is now to you, my lovely readership, that I confess to using this tool improperly. Shakespeare's Hamlet has one of the most powerful lines; "To thine own self be true." The blatant truth of the matter is: I have not been honest with myself with respect to weight loss.

With that in mind, I have purposed to use these three tools - mirror, tape, and scale - honestly, no matter the data they convey to me.

Mirrors, I no longer pose in front of; seeking the best angle and holding in my stomach so I can give myself a better self-image before walking away. I will be purchasing a full-length mirror for the house. Not for any narcissistic purpose... for as Jackie Gleason once said, "It's hard to be a fat narcissist." Rather, I hope the mirror will help me live in a more realistic place; a place where I will not lie to myself about size and appearance.

Tape measure fraud I have circumvented with my new technique of measuring. So often, I would compare the current measurement (while measuring) with a previous data point, naturally allowing for some small adjustment in tape tension to increase comparative circumference lost. Now, I take measurements without even so much as a glance at the last weeks' data points. In this way, I have no clue if the current measurements are better or worse than the previous week - thereby maintaining an honest measurement session.

Scale manipulation is perhaps the hardest to eliminate. My solution is to place the scale in exactly the same spot each time and to stand on the scale in exactly the same foot and body position each time. I stand in such a way that I cannot see the digital numbers changing on the scale display and I stand there without looking for a minute until the scale freezes with the final weight. In this way, I cannot shift my weight to cause a lower weight to appear on the display.

As Leviticus says, "Just balances... shall ye have." Accuracy and honesty in weights and measures were (and still are) important to God and should be to us. May each of us be blessed with a new freedom, as only honesty can give, as we choose to measure our lives with honest and true measures.

(picture courtesy of www.redbookmag.com)

Day 24: Go... Bathe in Espresso and be Forever Smooth!

I have received a couple comments that have to do with importance of drinking water while trying to lose weight. One of these comments had to do with the effect of caffeine on body cells while trying to lose weight... so I did some reading and found out something interesting.

Caffeine, it turns out, has a marvelous effect on the fat cells that make cellulite. It lessens the lumpiness, smooths out the bumps, and appears to get rid of some of that icky fat. Here's the catch... according to studies and testing, it is not the internalization of caffeine that brings about these changes. The great changes come from applying the caffeine EXTERNALLY!

It seems that creams which contain caffeine as the main ingredient, "work great to pull fluids out of the spaces between cells and induce lipolysis – fat burning in the layer just below the skin’s surface." This means fat cells will give up their fat particles, thereby shrinking in size.

Neat, huh?!

While the external application of caffeine is beneficial to decreasing fat, the internalization of caffeine has an opposite and negative effect. Drinking caffeine, while it does boost your metabolism a little bit, is also a diuretic which sucks and expels water from your body.

Great! You may be saying. I wanted all that extra water weight to go away! Here's the problem. Your body NEEDS water to burn fat. Without it, kidneys can't work properly so the liver lends a helping hepatocyte. While the liver is tied up helping the kidneys, it can't burn as much fat and because not as much fat is being burned, it gets stored for later.

How much water? It is now recommended that for each 25 pounds you are overweight, you add another eight-ounce glass of water to the daily eight eight-ounces you should be drinking. Another one I've heard is to take your weight in pounds, divide by two and drink that amount in ounces of water (i.e., a 100-pound person would drink 50 ounces of water each day). Personally, I find myself drinking anywhere between 1.5 and 4.5 liters each day.

Won't that mean you'll spend a huge portion of your life in the bathroom? Maybe for the first couple days, until your body realizes there is a constant, sufficient supply of water coming in. After the body releases all the extra water stored between the cells (for emergencies), you'll not only weigh a bit less, but your body will start to do neat things with the water as it repairs and rebuilds throughout your body - in addition to burning more fat. You will not be in the bathroom forever.

Other benefits to drinking sufficient water? How about improved muscle tone? Your muscles will contract with greater ease when you are properly hydrated, allowing a more effective workout. Your skin will plump out, filling wrinkles and flushing impurities, making the skin look younger. Besides, you want nice skin covering those now-plump muscles!

So drink more water and less caffeine... and remember caffeine is in tea, coffee, and cola sodas, even the diet ones. Spread your water drinking out over the course of the day; too much at a time can be harmful, flushing valuable electrolytes and salts from your body. Lastly, drink before you become thirsty. Thirst is a sign you are becoming dehydrated. Oh, and if you don't like water, try adding some lemon or lime or a splash of some other flavoring... it adds just enough to help you get past the whole "drinking water" obstacle.

And with this post, my plans to increase my Starbucks intake have been foiled yet again. Grr... Oh, well... when I am svelte and awesomely toned in body, I shall take my gorgeous self to Starbucks and order a drink of my choice, smallest size mind you, in celebration of the moment.

Day 23: CARBS!

I had such high expectations today, but found I met none of them... aside from keeping my two tiny morsels from running amok. Most of the day, I felt lethargic and the pain in my head did nothing to lift that... plus, I had a firm desire to eat EVERYTHING in the house, especially nummy treats.

What is it with feeling depressed and eating carbohydrates anyway?!

I did a little reading and thinking on that subject and found that the desire for carbs in the late afternoon is a very normal part of being human. Okay. The human body needs carbs around that time to day to raise blood sugar levels and give a boost in energy to help us make it until dinner.

The problem is that many people either overdo their carb fix or use unhealthy carbs to get an energy boost. The danger lies in using carbs to constantly pick you up. Feeling low? Grab a Snickers. Feel great almost instantly. Enjoy a time of better mood and higher energy. Feeling low again? Go for a brownie and Starbucks frappuccino. Feel on top of the world once again. But for how long?

Carbs plus lack of self-discipline plus sedentary lifestyle equal extra weight and a dependency on carbs for improved mood and energy levels.

Did you know doing any activity vigorously for as little as thirty seconds can improve your metabolism and enhance your body's ability to process sugars? Not to mention, a brief burst of energy can really wake you up. Try it. I'm going to.

Next time I feel sluggish and strongly desire to turn to the chocolate or beloved Starbucks frappuccino for energy, I purpose to engage in thirty seconds of vigorous activity... and let you know how that works.

Day 22: Disappointment

Well... here's the status report for the past week:

Days remaining: 201
Pounds remaining: 145.5
Inches lost/gained: +0.50 inches
Pounds lost/gained: +3.25 pounds

I guess the holiday goodies finally caught up with me! Though I'm still trying to reconcile how one beautiful little biscotti could possibly contain 170 calories!! And there's just NO way that sweet little lemon-cranberry mini loaf could have anywhere near 537 calories!!

Perhaps I shall blame the pizza and Pepsi Jason and I had last night to celebrate his new job (he's been laid off for two months)!! When I took measurements this morning, almost every single measuring point had gained +0.25 inches AND I had gained +0.5 pounds!! Why do I feel so much smaller and have this happen? Very discouraging, I can tell you.

Oh, well. I did get to the gym three times in the past week and have been drinking much more water than usual. Soda is almost non-existent in the house and I've done better about picking better drinks if I must have a caloried drink.

The going is slow... too slow. Need to kick it up a notch (or two).

Week Four: 2010: The Year We Make Contact

In the darkness, a stirring was felt. A dry breeze created a tiny flurry of dust; dissolving the creation as fast as it had been made. Soft rustling gave evidence to the slight unease felt by the sleeping group occupying the nearby cave.

A hint of promise and premonition tinged the golden rays of the rising sun as they caressed the harsh, black outlines of the mysterious monolith as it stood, alone and foreboding in the clearing outside the cave.

Full of curiosity and wonder, one now-awakened member moved slowly toward the impressive monument. Taking in the awe-inspiring sight, he hesitantly moved one outstretched finger toward the shiny, non-reflective surface stretching before him, ground to sky.

As the cold blackness of the surface enveloped the inquisitive finger, his primitive brain exploded with a flood of new, unheard of data! The possibilities were endless; prospects were larger and capabilities and talents had expanded beyond all possible belief. What a wonderful new world! What potential and what newness lay ahead!

If you read this to the stirring tones of Strauss' Also Sprach Zarathustra, I'm sure many of you would recognize this hypothetical meeting between earth-bound ape and alien-planted monolith as originally imagined by Arthur C. Clarke and forever immortalized by Stanley Kubrick in his 1968 film, "2001: A Space Odyssey."

In that movie, the enormous black monolith, appearing suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere, represents a tool which first spans the evolutionary gap between ape and man, later the gap between man and space travel, and ultimately, the gap between man in space and man transcending human form. Each of these scenarios presented in the movie showed humans, by mere contact with the monolith, ascending to the next level in their evolution.

Now, I do not hold with these evolutionary theories nor do I believe that we began as lowly apes who can one day aspire to shed their human form and evolve ever upward. No.

This whole metaphor is being used for an illustration of the relationship between us and our potential. Within each human, I believe, lie the seeds of greatness and unfathomable tenacity; the ability to do great things - "something wonderful."

As this new year begins, I am disturbingly aware of the millions of New Year resolutions that have been made throughout the world - resolutions, the majority of which will never rejoice in the light of completion. Hundreds of thousands of people will soon feel the sting and degradation of promises to self that will be broken; four out of every five (according to NYTimes.com). Approximately one-third of New Year resolutions will fail before the end of January.

In 1984, Peter Hyams' award-winning movie based on Arthur C. Clarke's, "2010: The Year We Make Contact" emerged. The whole point of this film was to move the "human evolution" motif forward, bringing the humans into contact with the alien monolith presence (thereby ensuring their ever-upward evolution), while clarifying questions unanswered by "2001."

It being 2010, it was hard to refuse a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to capitalize on this well-known science fiction work. This year is 2010... a year to make contact with your goals, to deal with them head on, and to grapple with previously unresolved issues in your life.

My question to you is, "What is your monolith?"

What will it take to move you from your present state of being to the next level? What will shake you from your comfort zone and transport you to worlds never before imagined? What hopes and dreams are yours to embrace on the other side of your personal barricade?

I know I keep waiting for "something wonderful" to happen; that somehow I will touch the wondrous monolith of weight loss and I shall suddenly morph into a svelte, perfectly-toned woman with not a spare ounce of fat anywhere. Ahhhh... yes.

I have a nagging suspicion that my personal monolith is named Self-Discipline and that it is smoothly shellac-ed with a coat of Self-Control. I'm reaching so desperately for that monolith and I know to touch it is to become heir to the wonders it will unlock in my life... I also know I will never touch this monolith without help from God; it's just too far away and I've been reaching for years.

How desperately are you reaching? How great is your desire to change?

Join me in this year, 2010, and let it be the year we do indeed make contact with true goal success and accomplishment. Find your monolith. Reach beyond your boundaries. Abandon your comfort zone.