Day 235: The Axiom of Choice

Through the still quiet of the pre-dawn darkness came the ultimate sound of irritation: the incessant beeping of the alarm clock. What a nasty way to be awoken from the deepest of sleep and what dark ruminations exist toward the inventor of such a fiendish creation. Emerging from a sleepy fog, the call of the gym and the workout becomes more clear and with it a dilemma... or is it a choice?

I'm sure all of us at one time or another have experienced the [insert emotion here] of being awoken by an alarm clock, and I have to wonder how many people (except for those few perfect ones) have a love-hate relationship with that bit of electronics. I've been grateful for the alarm. I've been angry. I've been disappointed. I've been discouraged. I've even been delighted to hear that garish beep.

So let's face it. Could it be that the issue lies not with the alarm itself, but with each of us as individuals? Could it be that our response to that call to awaken arises, not from that lowly item, but from a plethora of emotions and thoughts which occur, sometimes, even before we go to sleep.

I find it ironic that I had planned most of the week to write on this particular topic.

Ironic because I had set my alarm for five this morning, giving me enough time to awaken, dress, and get to the gym by half past. This was important because Jason needed to leave the house at eight after seven, giving me 1.5 hours at the gym. This meant I would be able to just barely do my cycling and swimming for the day, but not the weights. I would have to be very punctual and have minimum transition times to accomplish this.

Well... the alarm went off at five. I snoozed it for ten, knowing I still had plenty of time. Saw the clock read twenty past and then I did it; I rolled over and re-enveloped myself in the warm and inviting down comforter and soft, fuzzy pillow. Yes, I got some more sleep (which I did actually need), but there were consequences.

I am now behind a full day of my training schedule and will have to make it up. Usually this means my Saturday - which I have allocated as my Rest Day - becomes a normal workout day because I took Friday off. ::sigh:: Not only that, but I miss out on the benefits of working out in the morning (perhaps I shall speak on those in a later post).

What happened? I lost focus of WHY the alarm was set in the first place. I needed to get up with the alarm because I'm working on losing weight. To lose weight, I'm following a training schedule which will culminate in a triathlon. To follow that training schedule for today, I needed to be up by five. Kinda sounds like the kingdom being lost for want of a nail, yes? Today, I was only thinking of the self-centered, emotion-of-the-moment reason for turning the alarm clock off and staying in bed.

How often does this happen in our lives? Where have we switched our focus from the longer-vision WHY we are doing to the more instant gratification and emotions of the moment? This perspective on life and our actions in that life applies to so many areas. WHY can't you have that slice of cake? WHY can't you buy that cute pair of shoes? WHY are you forbidding your child to whine?

These questions, when taken alone, seem depriving and depressing. It is only when the big picture is added back in and the WHY is answered that things make sense and lose that seemingly depriving state. I can't have that slice of cake because I am choosing to regain my pre-wedding weight. I can't buy that cute pair of shoes because I want to be debt-free. I am forbidding my child to whine because in life, whining is not the correct way to deal with disappointment or frustration.

As I thought last night about what I would share with you today, I had determined I would share with you my own personal success in this area: the area of focusing and acting on your WHY. ::tiny trumpet sounds in the background:: Instead, after this morning, I realized I only had a failure to share...

The old me would have drowned this failure in a blueberry biscuit or two from Hardee's, would have reveled in depression and posted a dismal Facebook status update, and most likely would have "boosted" my crushed spirits and faltering morale with a "comforting" full-spread Outback steak dinner.

That, however and thank God, is not me any more.

True, I did not meet the goal I set for myself this morning. Is that a reason for abject depression and abandonment of my exercise and weight-loss goals? Absolutely not. Instead, I admit I made a mistake and now I will move forward to have a productive, positive day with resolve to improve on tomorrow's performance.

All of life is a choice. Every single event you face, you have a choice. You are never the victim. I find it more and more like my mom used to tell me, "It doesn't matter what anyone else does, it only matters what you do." I have taken that little saying and have applied it to my own standard of living: I cannot control what others do to or around me, but I certainly can control how I respond in ANY given situation.

This week, I challenge you. I want you to choose and control your responses to the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune... [the] sea of troubles... the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to." Remember (or, in some cases, discover) your WHYs and reform your thoughts and responses to the minutia of life. It's your life; chose to live it well.

Day 228: There Is No Try

Well... I've gone and done it now. As of 2:37 this afternoon, I am officially registered as a participant in the 28th Annual Sandman Triathlon in Virginia Beach.

Sometime between 7:30 and 8:06 on the morning of September 19th, I and 357 other people (so far) I have never met will plunge through the Atlantic surf and set out on a 0.62-mile (1k) ocean swim, 14-mile bike ride, and 3.1-mile (5k) run. The whole thing should not take more than three hours, and I'm hoping it will take significantly less - I'm aiming for half that.

I have never done anything even remotely like this in my entire life.

Having actually registered and actually paid real money for this event, I am walking the bridge which lies over the Knowing-Doing Gap.

Everyone knows about this famous chasm. On the one side reside the many hundreds of thousands of people who know what they should do, who know what it will take to achieve their dreams, who have a plan to complete their goals. I don't care how small the goal is. Perhaps it is as small as resolving to take a shower today or to make it to the post office before they close. Maybe it's a bigger goal. To pay off that $5000 credit card debt or lose fifty pounds. What if the desired end is enormous? To become independently wealthy, to have paid off the house, to earn a doctorate degree?

So many dreams and goals and desires. Do you know what the sad thing is? How many of these dreams, goals, and desires will remain just that? Look over at the other side of the chasm and how many people do you see there? True, there are many... but not as many as are on the Knowing side of the gulf.

Here's more of a mind-blower. This chasm already has a bridge built over it. There exists a way to get from "I wish" to "I have" and it is so simple. You must DO something. You can't just sit back and think about what you're "going to do" or what you're "planning to accomplish." No. You must actually DO something.

Taking a shower requires that you actually step inside the shower and perform the necessary ablutions. Paying off a credit card requires that you not only set aside the necessary funds, but also that you actually pay those savings on the card. Becoming independently wealthy requires that you change your current outlook on life and corresponding actions. In my case, losing weight requires that I actually stop overeating and start exercising.

For me, it has taken years and years and years of frustrated wishing. So many times, I tried on some article of clothing and hated the reflection in the mirror. So many times I imagined I was that trim, slim person who could wear any clothes and never have to worry about whether certain lumps or bulges were covered. Let's not even mention how many times I thought about eating better after I'd finished an over-large, high-calorie meal.

In Proverbs we are told that "hope deferred maketh the heart sick." So true and yet, how many times have each one of us lolled in the land of the heart sick and wished and longed for things we actually could do something to achieve? I realize there are situations which can be wished and hoped for, but whose end result is not something we can affect. I want to make it clear I am not talking about those. I am talking about situations where we can do something.

I have been dieting with Tidewater Bariatrics for three weeks and training for my upcoming triathlon for two weeks now and I am starting to see some very interesting emotional and mental changes taking place.

Food is no longer something I expend much thought on any more! No more daydreaming about what I will have for dinner and dessert. No more fantasizing about which restaurant I can persuade Jason to bring home dinner from. No more strategizeing to ensure my errand routes take me past a desired fast food stop. Do you have any idea how much time is spent thinking about food in your day? I was shocked to find out how much I thought about food.

Not only does food not run my life any more, but exercise is finding a regular and, I might add, welcome place in my daily routines. Fearing the boredom I have so oft experienced when attempting to work out more, I thought about what I could do to keep things interesting. The YMCA has a cool system by which you earn points for logging your exercise and that's cool. But I wanted something more.

A triathlon.

Okay... I admit I'm a bit of an overachiever. However, I looked at the maximum times given to complete the three seperate legs of the triathlon and realized I was already close to being able to meet those max times already. One night, a half-mile swim in the pool convinced me I could do this. When I mentioned to Jason I was thinking about doing the Sandman Triathlon, I also threw in the caveat that I was planning to wait until the end of August before committing/registering in the event.

His response was one of wisdom. Jason told me to register immediately for the triathlon and THEN train for it, thereby giving me a serious point of responsibility as well as giving me an interesting reason for doing the exercise I was doing. That shook me a bit, but I did it. I took my first step on that bridge spanning the Knowing-Doing gap and I have never looked back.

I found a basic three-month triathlon training program online and set out DOING each daily routine. I find I don't think about what I have to do any more; I just DO it. Read the workout tasks for the day and check them off when I'm done.

Eighty degrees at 5:30 in the morning and I have a 3.2-mile walk/run ahead of me? No longer do I spend the previous night and precious time that morning thinking about how hot it will be, how sweaty I will get, how uncomfortable I will feel, how far away from home I have to go (I have a thing about walking long distances away from my house).

Now, I might enjoy the bed for a couple of extra minutes, but then I actually do get up, really get dressed, walk outside for real, and totally DO my workout. I have chosen not to have failure as a mindset any longer. And the effects of thinking that way about my daily workouts are spreading.

Food: I eat three meals a day. I have planned out the day before what I will eat and when; eating then becomes a check-off list.

Household chores: Order and cleanliness is on the rampage through our house. I started with a couple of areas (Jason actually made the initial push to get them spotless. ::smile::) and not only have purposed to maintain that cleanliness, but actually maintain. The kitchen was first, then the dining room, then Peter's room, then the living room and Jason's desk. I'm not perfect, but I'm working on it.

Kids: I am becoming more and more consistent as new two-year-old challenges rise to my attention daily! I don't think about what an inconvenience it is to deal with wrong actions (or even daily necessities), I just DO whatever I need to. It seems Peter and Mikey are starting to reap the benefits of this as well. Hehe.

Doing is so much more powerful then thinking or purposing or planning or dreaming or wishing. The new levels of happiness and self-confidence that come with doing what you know is right are something I never want to be without again. Even looking at weight progress pictures I'd taken in January and seeing the difference in how I'm standing and (what hit me most strongly) the life that is now in my eyes.

January's pictures captured the eyes and face of someone who felt trapped and miserable; who wanted to change, but didn't want to actually do anything; someone who dreaded each new day and couldn't think past her many failures. Yesterday's pictures showed something completely different. There's a new spark and life. Yes, I'm not where I want to be yet on so many levels, but I'm DOING something about it. And that, I think, makes all the difference!

I'm standing on that bridge which traverses the perilous Knowing-Doing Gap. There is so much room here... you should come and stand with me. Hurry though... I won't be standing long; I'm moving as fast as I can to the other side.

Day 225: Does Your Life Have a Soundtrack?

Hey, did you know 225 is the square of 15?

Okay, so maybe that would be more appropriate for a math-oriented blog... this is clearly a health and fitness blog right? On the surface, that is true. Below the surface, there lurks the beautiful world of numbers and math.

Those of you who know me will most likely remember that I LOVE math and numbers. But before anyone's eyes turn glassy and roll up behind your eyelids, just relax. I'm not going to descend into the realm of heavy math. Smile. Breathe deeply. Relax.

Saturday, 24 July 2010 marked the supposed endpoint of the Ruth Cooper Project.

I started this blog in December of 2009 when one of my best friends invited me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid and if I had been a bridesmaid in as many weddings of friends that I've attended over the years, I could easily have starred in the movie 27 Dresses myself!

While this news thrilled me, a simultaneous explosion of terror ran through me: I would have to wear a formal dress! To most people, this would not be a big deal. To me, having just given birth to my second son a month before and still carrying the 115 extra pounds from Son Number One, this was bad news. My standard wardrobe at the time consisted of faded maternity t-shirts and two pairs of maternity pants - one velvet, the other stretch.

Something had to change, and fast, if I wanted to be stunning at my friends wedding.

I figured if I applied myself, I could get very close to my goal weight by the time of the wedding... and yet, as the Chronicles of Ruth show, I never managed to keep my focus on the dieting or exercising to the extent needed. Yes, I lost 30 pounds using various techniques. Yes, I started working out more. Yes, I was feeling and moving better then I had been.

The truly shameful thing is this: during my several months of silence on this blog, I gained back every pound. That's right... every single pound. The embarrassment I felt at stepping on the new analog scale and watching the needle sail effortlessly by the "maximum" weight tick mark was so incredibly depressing and more often than not, sent me in search of something comforting - at that time: Outback steak, sweet potatoes, bread and butter, and mango tea.

Wouldn't you know, though? During that two or three months, this blog and the responsibility I felt to all of you who have worked so hard to support and encourage me in emotional and financial ways (I still haven't forgotten one of you paid for six months at the YMCA) forced me to get back on track.

I am back on track.

Today, I realized more than ever that I have made some serious life-style changes. Not only in the mind realm, but also in the physical realm. Although I was no where near the weight I had hoped to be at my friend's wedding, I had already taken drastic steps to ensure I would one day experience that goal. Since my enrollment in the Tidewater Bariatrics program on 11 July 2010, I have already seen 21 pounds of weight melt off and over 12 inches of girth disappear.

Did that weight really melt off and did those inches really disappear?

No.

There is a great deal of purposeful dedication and many conscious choices behind these successes.

Success stories aren't fuzzy and rarely are they glamorous. Sure, there are the few that are stunning and breathtaking. They are the ones that make you envision your path to your goal as one of those overly-inspiring, chest-puffing, back-straightening, emotion-swelling, inspirational-soundtrack video montages on all those overly-inspiring, chest-puffing, back-straightening, emotion-swelling, inspirational-soundtrack epic films out there.

I mean, seriously... who isn't with Rocky as he trains for his comeback? Who isn't with Braveheart as he travels the countryside rallying men to his cause? Who can resist wanting to join Cuba Gooding, Jr. as he sweats through his military and diver training? Who among the math geeks and nerds can fail to be inspired to solve the unsolvable with John Nash (especially with that soundtrack!!)? Finally, who can hold back a tear or still their heart rate as the 1924 Olympic team experiences the result of thousands of hours of pain, tears, and sweat?

If the hard parts of life could happen in an inspiring montage, complete with swelling soundtrack, I'd be a sleek, muscular, lithe athlete. [Standing in front of a mirror, I have to chuckle at this]. The point I'm trying to make is this: we are not in a finished film production. There is no montage yet. The soundtrack hasn't been written and there are no glamorizing filters. Right now, we are in the very middle of making our montage possible.

I believe there cannot be great things without great investment.

So when you're feeling discouraged, think about your favorite "success movie training montage" and then think just a little bit more about the sheer amount of dedication, ups, downs, triumphs, failures, excitements, disappointments, laughter, tears, joys, and depressions that made up that character's success montage.

Success doesn't just happen; you have to want it.

[In case you were wondering, the films I referenced above were, in order: Rocky Balboa, Braveheart, Men of Honor, A Beautiful Mind, and Chariots of Fire.]