Day 228: There Is No Try

Well... I've gone and done it now. As of 2:37 this afternoon, I am officially registered as a participant in the 28th Annual Sandman Triathlon in Virginia Beach.

Sometime between 7:30 and 8:06 on the morning of September 19th, I and 357 other people (so far) I have never met will plunge through the Atlantic surf and set out on a 0.62-mile (1k) ocean swim, 14-mile bike ride, and 3.1-mile (5k) run. The whole thing should not take more than three hours, and I'm hoping it will take significantly less - I'm aiming for half that.

I have never done anything even remotely like this in my entire life.

Having actually registered and actually paid real money for this event, I am walking the bridge which lies over the Knowing-Doing Gap.

Everyone knows about this famous chasm. On the one side reside the many hundreds of thousands of people who know what they should do, who know what it will take to achieve their dreams, who have a plan to complete their goals. I don't care how small the goal is. Perhaps it is as small as resolving to take a shower today or to make it to the post office before they close. Maybe it's a bigger goal. To pay off that $5000 credit card debt or lose fifty pounds. What if the desired end is enormous? To become independently wealthy, to have paid off the house, to earn a doctorate degree?

So many dreams and goals and desires. Do you know what the sad thing is? How many of these dreams, goals, and desires will remain just that? Look over at the other side of the chasm and how many people do you see there? True, there are many... but not as many as are on the Knowing side of the gulf.

Here's more of a mind-blower. This chasm already has a bridge built over it. There exists a way to get from "I wish" to "I have" and it is so simple. You must DO something. You can't just sit back and think about what you're "going to do" or what you're "planning to accomplish." No. You must actually DO something.

Taking a shower requires that you actually step inside the shower and perform the necessary ablutions. Paying off a credit card requires that you not only set aside the necessary funds, but also that you actually pay those savings on the card. Becoming independently wealthy requires that you change your current outlook on life and corresponding actions. In my case, losing weight requires that I actually stop overeating and start exercising.

For me, it has taken years and years and years of frustrated wishing. So many times, I tried on some article of clothing and hated the reflection in the mirror. So many times I imagined I was that trim, slim person who could wear any clothes and never have to worry about whether certain lumps or bulges were covered. Let's not even mention how many times I thought about eating better after I'd finished an over-large, high-calorie meal.

In Proverbs we are told that "hope deferred maketh the heart sick." So true and yet, how many times have each one of us lolled in the land of the heart sick and wished and longed for things we actually could do something to achieve? I realize there are situations which can be wished and hoped for, but whose end result is not something we can affect. I want to make it clear I am not talking about those. I am talking about situations where we can do something.

I have been dieting with Tidewater Bariatrics for three weeks and training for my upcoming triathlon for two weeks now and I am starting to see some very interesting emotional and mental changes taking place.

Food is no longer something I expend much thought on any more! No more daydreaming about what I will have for dinner and dessert. No more fantasizing about which restaurant I can persuade Jason to bring home dinner from. No more strategizeing to ensure my errand routes take me past a desired fast food stop. Do you have any idea how much time is spent thinking about food in your day? I was shocked to find out how much I thought about food.

Not only does food not run my life any more, but exercise is finding a regular and, I might add, welcome place in my daily routines. Fearing the boredom I have so oft experienced when attempting to work out more, I thought about what I could do to keep things interesting. The YMCA has a cool system by which you earn points for logging your exercise and that's cool. But I wanted something more.

A triathlon.

Okay... I admit I'm a bit of an overachiever. However, I looked at the maximum times given to complete the three seperate legs of the triathlon and realized I was already close to being able to meet those max times already. One night, a half-mile swim in the pool convinced me I could do this. When I mentioned to Jason I was thinking about doing the Sandman Triathlon, I also threw in the caveat that I was planning to wait until the end of August before committing/registering in the event.

His response was one of wisdom. Jason told me to register immediately for the triathlon and THEN train for it, thereby giving me a serious point of responsibility as well as giving me an interesting reason for doing the exercise I was doing. That shook me a bit, but I did it. I took my first step on that bridge spanning the Knowing-Doing gap and I have never looked back.

I found a basic three-month triathlon training program online and set out DOING each daily routine. I find I don't think about what I have to do any more; I just DO it. Read the workout tasks for the day and check them off when I'm done.

Eighty degrees at 5:30 in the morning and I have a 3.2-mile walk/run ahead of me? No longer do I spend the previous night and precious time that morning thinking about how hot it will be, how sweaty I will get, how uncomfortable I will feel, how far away from home I have to go (I have a thing about walking long distances away from my house).

Now, I might enjoy the bed for a couple of extra minutes, but then I actually do get up, really get dressed, walk outside for real, and totally DO my workout. I have chosen not to have failure as a mindset any longer. And the effects of thinking that way about my daily workouts are spreading.

Food: I eat three meals a day. I have planned out the day before what I will eat and when; eating then becomes a check-off list.

Household chores: Order and cleanliness is on the rampage through our house. I started with a couple of areas (Jason actually made the initial push to get them spotless. ::smile::) and not only have purposed to maintain that cleanliness, but actually maintain. The kitchen was first, then the dining room, then Peter's room, then the living room and Jason's desk. I'm not perfect, but I'm working on it.

Kids: I am becoming more and more consistent as new two-year-old challenges rise to my attention daily! I don't think about what an inconvenience it is to deal with wrong actions (or even daily necessities), I just DO whatever I need to. It seems Peter and Mikey are starting to reap the benefits of this as well. Hehe.

Doing is so much more powerful then thinking or purposing or planning or dreaming or wishing. The new levels of happiness and self-confidence that come with doing what you know is right are something I never want to be without again. Even looking at weight progress pictures I'd taken in January and seeing the difference in how I'm standing and (what hit me most strongly) the life that is now in my eyes.

January's pictures captured the eyes and face of someone who felt trapped and miserable; who wanted to change, but didn't want to actually do anything; someone who dreaded each new day and couldn't think past her many failures. Yesterday's pictures showed something completely different. There's a new spark and life. Yes, I'm not where I want to be yet on so many levels, but I'm DOING something about it. And that, I think, makes all the difference!

I'm standing on that bridge which traverses the perilous Knowing-Doing Gap. There is so much room here... you should come and stand with me. Hurry though... I won't be standing long; I'm moving as fast as I can to the other side.