Day 74: Monolith Syndrome

And the results for this week's comparison are in:

Days remaining: 149
Pounds remaining: 141.5
Inches lost/gained this past week: 0.0
Pounds lost/gained this past week: -3.5
Percentage weight loss this past week: -1.19%

Total pounds lost: -11.5
Total inches lost: -15.5

I realized an interesting fact today. For a while, I have suspected that I have been suffering from Monolith Syndrome and today it was completely confirmed.

This evening, I stepped SO far out of my comfort zone and joined a Zumba class at the YMCA! I have been avoiding any class exercising for months now because I have been so afraid that I will be the only one in class who can't keep up or who will look like a total idiot.

Now an observation... for overweight individuals, the current exercise dress code seems to be an expression of either the Monolith Syndrome or the Popped Biscuit Can look. The Monolith wears extremely baggy and long clothing that obscures every single lump... or so that individual believes. The horrible truth lies buried in the comfort baggy clothes provide; deceptive comfort. It's so easy to feel slim and muscular beneath a t-shirt two or three sizes too large... mirrors have a nasty way of popping that bubble.

The Popped Biscuit Can look involves wearing "normal" workout clothing that would be fine for a normal-weighted individual. Regrettably, these people seem to pay no heed to the rolls of extra that slip out from under the sports top or the puffiness that spills over the top of those "cute," skintight exercise pants.

Which style am I? I wish I could say Yuppie Slim, but when I entered the Zumba session, my sight was assaulted by what appeared to be a single, black monolith. There were mirrors everywhere, surrounding the room with multiple reflections of that impressive sight; even the largest person in the room was half my size! My monolith wasn't some point of personal evolution as I wrote in a previous blog post - I WAS the monolith!

I suppose this would normally have daunted me, but I really wanted to participate in the Zumba and focused on the instructor while attempting to coerce my overtly-Caucasian body into swaying gracefully with the Latin rhythms. At various points, I would feel as if my form was extremely good and I was really getting the steps... then I would glance back at my reflection and would see the most absurd sight I have ever seen. Plump white arms protruding from rolled-up black sleeves and swaying hips that were barely seen beneath the drapery of the way-large black t-shirt.

Now, I've always enjoyed seeing the pure joy some large people exude when dancing all out; as if they completely forget how large they are and who is watching - they simply have fun. So this was the path I chose to take. And I had fun. I tripped and stumbled, missed the beat and alternately forgot to add arms to my steps (and vice versa)... all the while wondering who that goofy person in the mirror could possibly be imitating.

The shock would set in every once in a while.

As I walked away, I realized that although I was so absurd in my performance, I had such a strong desire to master the Zumba steps and moves. I will be back and I look forward to winning the approval of the instructor and the other rhythmic/experienced participants with my masterful display of awesomeness... I hope. Besides, I can't complain about an hour-long session that burns up to 1000 calories and which flies by so quickly, I don't notice how long I've been exercising!

I also realized I should get different clothing for working out. I'm very comfortable in my HUGE black 3x t-shirt and I feel smaller inside, but the mirrors surrounding every room in the Y keep broadcasting an extremely uncomfortable picture back to me... something I can change now.

Now, to find the balance between evidencing the Monolith Syndrome and resembling a Popped Biscuit Can.

Day 65: This Isn't Fun Any More

::Sigh:: Now that my accounts have been restored from the lovely hack job done on them this past week, it seems there are no more excuses to prevent me from posting something I completely did not want to post... at all.

Days remaining: 158
Pounds remaining: 145
Inches lost/gained: +0.25
Pounds lost/gained: +2.5
Percentage weight lost: +1.01%

In looking at the inches lost, my top half gained, but the lower half lost big time - which is kind of the whole point I'm trying to achieve here. An additional bonus is that five of my twelve measuring points are holding rock steady... and most likely will until the next large weight drop.

All of this is very statistical and fulfills my self-imposed requirements... and serves to try to skirt around the point that I've been trying to avoid talking about or posting for a while now: the past two weeks have been terrible from a dietary and exercise standpoint.

It's one thing to build a higher-calorie day into your diet, but another thing entirely to overdo it for the whole weekend. It's one thing to have a couple more bites of something at one meal and another thing to blow an entire meal later in the day.

Shortest way to say it - the week before last was a slippery slope. I saw the signs and decided to ignore them; primarily because it was more convenient to eat whatever and whenever I wanted to. Last week was full-scale plummeting with no attempt at keeping to a diet or getting to the gym.

Why? I suppose part of it was I was tired of counting calories, of early-morning jaunts to the gym, of trying to rearrange food choices to be more attractive or filling, of passing on desserts and sodas. It simply was too easy to do nothing.

Granted, there was a bright side to all this sliding. Even on the highest-calorie days, Jason and I would split the Subway foot-long or the Wendy's frosty or the WaWa turkey bowl instead of eating a whole portion each. Each time I went to Starbucks, I would chose a Tall instead of Venti drink and, on occasion, pass on the whipped cream.

So, I suppose progress is being made... slowly. But it's too slow and I desperately need to pick up the pace if I'm to make it anywhere near my goal. I have a phrase I use when a once-attractive pursuit becomes odious and onerous - "This isn't fun any more."

I have certainly hit the "this isn't fun any more" point in this project and, quite frankly, knowing how I normally operate, I'm surprised it's taken this long to get here. The distance I have to still go is discouraging and somewhat depressing. I promised honesty and here it is. Not pretty, somewhat embarrassing... but true.

At this point, I am working through my "feelings" by praying and trying to get to the bottom of why this kind of slippage is happening. I am back on the diet and have gone to the gym twice this week already. I really don't want to quit and don't intend to... I simply need to re-energize and re-commit.

Day 59: Surprised by the Inch

Well... this past week had an interesting surprise! Take a look:

Days remaining: 162
Pounds remaining: 142.5
Inches lost/gained: -4.0
Pounds lost/gained: +1.5
Percentage weight lost: +0.99%

Basically, I wasn't able to exercise last week because I became fairly ill on Monday and Tuesday, leading me to make the call and not exercise the rest of the week. It seemed my body was telling me I was doing just a bit too much.

With the gain of 1.5 pounds, I was initially discouraged... that is, until I compared my body measurements with last week's results. Another four inches has fallen away from my frame and I could not be happier (even though I'm still trying to reconcile the fact that inches lost even though pounds are gained is a good thing).

This week, I seem to be struggling more with diet choices and exercise regimen... I sense a re-dedication of effort on the horizon for me!

Week Nine: Encouragement Is Like a CheeseLovers Pan Pizza

The outfit was perfect... and would never have been able to be worn several months ago. Actually, several months ago, she never would have even dreamed of wearing anything like it.

The black fine-knit sweater clung closely to her form, its intricately woven black-beaded collar surreptitiously catching the overhead lights, adding flicker and half-hidden sparkle. The floor-length black skirt swayed confidently with each movement, framing and enhancing.

This was good; this was a wonderful state of being. She felt beautiful... no... she felt elegantly gorgeous!

Be honest. How many of us would love to feel that way again (if we ever felt that way before)?!

I know I certainly would. I would give almost anything... preferably many pounds of fat... to feel like that again. To have perfectly fitting clothing. To not have to persistently tug on shirt or skirt to ensure correct positioning. To not have to restrict one's movement so as not to disarray the carefully placed clothing. To not have to think one single stray thought about whether stance and gait enhanced or detracted from actual weight perceptions.

That picture above was taken three years ago on 3 February. It was at my brother's wedding and I had recently returned home from a three-month stay in Mexico. Having dropped a few pounds while there, I was enjoying the delights of being able to wear whatever I wanted and not have to worry about whether or not unsightly bumps were adequately covered.

I was free to move, to dance, to stand, to sit, to bend, and to sway as I saw fit. This may not seem like a great deal to many of you, but for those who live in a constant personal hell of trying to disguise shameful fat, this freedom bestows an incredible sense of elation. No tugging. No pulling. No worries.

This picture jumped out at me as I clicked my way through various folders and files recently moved to my brand new laptop. For a moment, I did not recognize the face that stared back at me. Slowly, and with a degree of shock, I realized the picture of the woman in front of me was actually... me!

Initially, a flood of discouragement slammed me in the gut as I acknowledged I no longer looked ANYTHING like the picture. Fighting for supremacy, my better-days-lie-ahead self put forth the notion, "True. But that is what you're working toward. You WILL make it there... and then some!"

Encouragement is a beautiful thing and for me, as I struggle and pray through a "hump" part of this diet, I see before me what my end goal is. Sure, I have hanging in the bathroom a goal dress. Sure, in my mind's eye, I can imagine the svelte-ness I shall one day be. And yes, I do look in the mirror every day, searching for diminished circumferences upon my frame.

More tangible than all these goals and hopes is the picture I share with you today and this little piece of advice. Never hesitate to encourage each other, for uplifting words provide the wings on which we soar above our difficulties. Don't over think about what the other person might think about or say to you; just act.

Your support of me and your encouraging words have given me the strength to persevere and stick it out one more week. Yes, it is through Christ that I do all this, but I believe that He has given you to me as an encouragement and as a source of accountability. I do not wish to let you down, all you who are cheering me on from afar. At this moment, my carb-hungry brain likens an uplifting comment from a reader to a sip of ice cold Pepsi after a bite of deep-fried Pizza Hut pan pizza (with extra cheese)!

See. You just never know what seemingly-insignificant word(s) of encouragement will do to strengthen a fellow traveler along the way!

...I think I smell a slice of CheeseLovers pizza!

Day 51: Looking Back with No Regrets

Yea! I'm back!

I haven't been neglecting this blog on purpose, but a couple of issues came up which demanded my full attention - I've been sick the past couple days (thus the lack of my normal Monday post), a certain son has required extra attention (requiring me to be away from the computer more and leaving me more exhausted at the end of the day), and it's tax season (as a bookkeeper, I had a lot of work to do).

But enough of that! Here are my stats from the end of Week Seven:

Days remaining: 172
Pounds remaining: 141.0
Inches lost/gained: -2.0
Pounds lost/gained: -3.5
Percentage weight lost: 1.19%

As you can see, things have picked up a little bit since last week's slow-down and I thought it would be interesting to look some bits of information and morsels of progress from the Ruth Cooper Project. Most of this has happened in the past 24 days... something interesting to keep in mind.

-I have been following the Flat Belly Diet (with the inclusion of one planned-indulgence day per week) for 24 days. The cover of the book proclaims it is possible to lose up to (emphasis on the "up to") 15 pounds in 32 days (!!). Being slightly skeptical of this claim, I have put them to the test... with eight days remaining in the advertised 32 days, I have already lost 12 pounds! We'll see how the next eight days do.

-Inches lost has been an encouraging area. From measurements taken in twelve different areas, I have lost a combined total of 11.75 inches from the first week. Of that number, 66% has happened since going on the Flat Belly Diet. All but three areas (arm, torso, and knee) lost between 0.25 and 2.0 inches, with an average of 0.94 inches lost in each area... all in 24 days!!

-My short-term January goal was to be able to wear my wedding and engagement rings on the proper finger by the end of the month. Although January has ended, my rings still do not sit at the base of my left hand's fourth finger. A bit disappointing? Yes. What is encouraging, however, is that the rings are actually being daily worn on that finger and they do currently fit BELOW the first knuckle (something I could not do initially). My current guess is that it will take losing another ten pounds before the rings will fit at the base of the finger.

-Exercising at the YMCA has become almost a habit... I was right on the cusp when I fell ill on Sunday night. With a goal of working out five days a week, I started with an average of two to four days each week. When I started, I would do my weight training at the level I had left when I stopped going - around 23,000 pounds lifted per session. In the cardio department, it was all I could do to walk for 30 minutes on the treadmill and usually at a speed of 2.5 or 3 mph.

Last week, I worked out all five days (praise God!), my weight training session has been upped to just almost 31,000 pounds lifted per session, and my cardio now includes three 45-minute treadmill jaunts at 3.0-3.5 mph and two fat-blasting 35-minute walks at 3.0-4.0 mph! I wasn't feeling super challenged at the end of last week, so everything will be upped yet again. Again, these stats are for the last 24 days.

Progress is being made and if I hadn't been keeping records, I'd probably be more disappointed in my progress. I didn't realize how much had happened in the last 24 days and had been feeling as if everything was going too slow. Now I realize, it hasn't been all that bad... even though it IS slower then I'd like things to go.

So... now you're updated and I have returned, once again, to blog of my adventures in the Ruth Cooper Project.

Thank you for reading! Your comments do much to cheer me on!

Day 44: The Bane of Week Two

Well, today was more discouraging than I was hoping it would be. Here are some stats to make my point:

Days remaining: 179
Pounds remaining: 144.5
Inches lost/gained: -1.25
Pounds lost/gained: -1.00
Percentage weight lost: 0.33%

I guess the dread of Week Two is legitimate. In theory, according to Bob and Jillian of the Biggest Loser, contestants lose the least weight - some even gain weight - during the second week of the contest, no matter how hard or how faithfully they dieted.

All this past week, I was watching the scale as I weighed in almost every morning. I watched as the pounds dropped away at a rate of almost one pound per day. I was SO excited! Something I had thought would be fun to do would be to compare my percentage of weight lost to the percentage of weight lost by the Biggest Loser contestants each week.

In order to stay above that yellow line of elimination this weigh-in, I would have had to have lost 4.5 pounds. To be the top scorer, I would have had to lose 7.5 pounds. Watching that scale, I felt for certain I would weigh in above the yellow line. Four pounds had dropped and I just needed that extra half pound... very doable in the two days I had remaining.

Imagine my horror when I stepped on the scale the next morning to realize I had gained 6.5 pounds!!! Now, I had gone to bed fairly late which caused some serious water retention, so I decided to get extra sleep the next night and drink lots of water during the day.

This morning, I awoke still with water retention, but at least the scale showed I had dropped a pound overall (7.5 pounds from my attempted weigh-in yesterday). I'm sure my inches suffered as well, yet I still lost one and a quarter inches overall!

So... Below the yellow line? Yup. Very discouraging? Absolutely. Am I giving up? Tempted, but probably not.

I still have 179 days in which to shed these unwanted pounds and I choose to believe that I have been a victim of the evil Week Two re-balancing act and that I will lose far more weight and inches this coming week - it's also an interesting statistic that you will follow a low-loss week with a higher-loss week.

Later, my favorite carbon units! Tomorrow morning will find me dark and early, jiggling away those extra pounds!

Day 42: The Answer to Life, the Look You Want, and Everything

Never had a bed felt so good before! Sitting on the edge of the mattress, she glanced down at the clock on the bedside stand. Two o'clock in the morning?! How could it possibly be that late... or early? What kind of person went to bed at two every morning?

Fuzzy thoughts stumbled through her brain as she tried to focus for just another minute and twenty-seven seconds - just long enough to set the alarm for 5:30 AM. With eyelids that refused to obey even the simplest of commands, she blearily checked that the alarm was, in fact, set for three and one-half hours later and rolled floppily onto the bed.

Her aching feet wearily reveled in the lack of weight above them and her exhausted frame slowly relaxed from the pressures of the day. Ahhh... she sank blissfully into the soft pillow and pulled the down comforter up around her neck, wriggling just a bit as sleep...

Suddenly her eyes flew open with the foggy realization that the alarm was going off. Noooo. It couldn't possibly be time yet! She had just fallen asleep. Must be some mistake. But a groggy inspection of the nasty little alarm clock revealed the truth; it was 5:30.

Two and one-half hours had disappeared as if they had never existed.

You know the feeling. One minute, you're anticipating the nice, deep sleep you're about to get and the next (or so it seems), that horrible alarm is going off or, worse yet, some family member dares to disturb your slumbers.

I would venture to say that all of us have dealt with inadequate sleep at some point in our lives. Sometimes, it is a function of our own poor choices; other times, we really don't have a choice and are called from our peaceful slumbers by necessity (be it our own or that of others).

The average American gets about 6.5 hours of sleep each night; one hour less than 20 to 30 years ago. That may not seem so terrible until you realize the average adult needs between seven and eight hours each night! Sleep just doesn't seem that important anymore: not with cool late-night TV shows, places to hang out, extra work, increasing insomnia, etc.

The price we are paying for decreasing our sleep is intense. According to surveys, an this cultural lack of sleep is costing fifteen billion dollars in health care expenses and an estimated fifty billion in lost productivity costs - and this is for the U.S. One in five adults experience daytime sleepiness and fifty percent of those say it affects their work performance! Caffeine consumption is up as are the sales of insomnia medications.

The market and economy are not the only areas affected by lack of sleep. Health is seriously affected by insufficient sleep: lowered immune systems, increased stress levels, mood changes, cognitive ability, appetite, and even weight gain.

Ghrelin and leptin are two amazing complementary hormones that can help or hurt your life. Ghrelin not only increases appetite, but also may prevent weight loss. Leptin is a made mostly in fat cells and its amount in your blood is proportional to your amount of body fat. It is thought to suppress appetite, yet obesity is a leptin-resistant state; you ignore signals to stop eating. Through regular lack of sleep, ghrelin production increases (and leptin decreases), making you feel like eating all the time - especially foods high in carbohydrates and increased night-time snacking.

In 2006, a the largest study to track the sleep/weight connection was released. It included close to 70,000 middle-aged women and ran the course of 16 years. The results were shocking. Sleeping five or fewer hours per night yielded women who were 32% more likely to gain 33+ pounds and 15% more likely to become obese over the women who slept seven hours each night. Even sleeping six hours a night still resulted in a 12% likelihood of major weight gain and 6% likelihood of becoming obese when compared to the seven-hour-per-night women.

What happens when you don't get enough sleep (with respect to weight)? The sleep deficit will interfere with your body's ability to deal with and process carbohydrates, stress management, and hormonal balance. In just one sleep-deprived week, you'll have significant decrease in glucose processing abilities and insulin levels can rise to a pre-diabetic level.

So it would seem that ensuring seven to eight hours of sleep per night can have dramatic health, mental, and weight benefits. One Stanford researcher was quoted as saying, "[After increasing hours of sleep per night] Some of the improvements in performance, in mood, in cognitive ability, and in energy were really dramatic, almost superhuman."

Think you don't have enough time to sleep an extra hour or fraction thereof? Think again. Something as simple as turning off the television or not watching that movie could help you get to bed earlier. How about minimal caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol right before bed. Try not eating for three hours before you go to bed and then make sure you sleep in the dark - no night lights. Keep your work and projects out of the bedroom and let it be a place where you can relax - keep it clean and tidy. Instead of taking that medication to fall asleep, try exercising during the day and taking some calcium right before going to bed.

And yes, I am aware of the irony of this post as I sit here, 36 minutes before midnight, pontificating on the benefits of sleep and knowing full well I shall have to awaken around five o'clock, not only to feed the baby, but also to get to the gym!

Let's try an experiment this week: try getting at least seven hours of sleep each night. It might mean giving up some personal quiet time or cutting some entertainment from the schedule... but think what worlds might open if all you needed to lose that last five pounds was an extra hour of sleep?!

I, for one, need all the help I can get!

(photo courtesy of Joseph Miller Photography)